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I remember when I told my mom I was going to marry a pastor, and the first words out of her mouth were, “He better not move you away from me.” Much to her dismay, her question became a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I found myself living five states over, away from home, at twenty years old. It didn’t take long for me to learn that living away from family was just one of the many sacrifices that ministry would ask of me. Being the wife of a pastor carries many unique burdens, expectations, and different ways of thinking, but ministry is also a life filled with favor, blessings, opportunities, and meaningful life experiences that wouldn’t come otherwise. Over the course of seven years in fulltime ministry, I have developed a few philosophies that I think are unique to pastors' wives. These new “norms” for Jason and me have helped our marriage to remain healthy and thriving amidst the idiosyncrasies of life in the ministry.
Be his biggest cheerleader
This comes naturally for me because my general disposition is to be an encourager. Ministry is filled with highs and lows, and each high and low carries significant emotional swings. It is so difficult for pastors to not
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Each Sunday in America, nearly 400,000 congregations gather to worship. There are friendly smiles at the doors, passionate leaders singing and performing songs, and good shepherds pouring their hearts out as they tell the greatest story ever told, the story of God’s love to man. But here’s a probing question: Is that enough?
Is it enough to take the gift of God inside of you and put it out in the open for others to receive? That’s a great question. And it all boils down to stewardship of gifts. We all know that all of our gifts and talents come from God. That includes the hospitality that welcomes the guest at the door, the musical talents that flow from the platform and the gift of encouragement that pours from the pastor’s sermon. These gifts were given to the church and placed inside individual believers for the good of all. We are stewards of each individual gift.
So here’s the big question: when or where does my responsibility end. Have I been a good steward of my gifts when I have laid them out for others to receive, or does my responsibility go farther? I believe true God-pleasing stewardship goes much farther. I have to steward my gift all the way into your heart.
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Nothing gets a debate going among preachers faster than the question “Are you preaching the Bible?” The question is so vague, because in all of my years I’ve never heard a pastor say NO! To get the true meaning of the question, you have to know who’s asking it.
For some people they mean, “Are you preaching long, from the King James, and screaming at me, telling me how worthless I am?”
For others they mean, “Are you preaching exegetically through whole books of the Bible? (Usually for a really long time)”
For others they mean, “Are you preaching on topics that are completely unhelpful to my everyday life but I consider them to be deep?”
And the last group means, “Are you preaching the Bible the way that I interpret it?”
I have to admit I struggle internally with this pressure to “preach the Bible.” Let me give you some brief background about my teaching style. From my first sermon I’ve always felt more comfortable preaching in a verse-by-verse exegetical style. It wasn’t something I was taught or told I had to do, but I tend to speak from the overflow of my devotions, so it usually is more verse-by-verse. As I began pastoring, I began to feel the strain of topical
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The Emotional Swings are crazy.
If you’ve read many of my articles you will notice a trend; many of them have to do with the psychological part of pastoring. Before the last 3 years, I was known as the “unemotional” guy. That was then, this is now. I was not prepared for the emotional swings. I was in ministry 6 years before becoming a lead pastor, but nothing could have prepared me for the burden of responsibility that comes with being in charge. Previously, when I was asked for advice from younger ministers about becoming a pastor, I would talk about speaking preparation or choosing the right church, but my biggest advice now is “Know who you are,” and make sure you at least have confidence in your calling. Insecure church leaders will never make it. You will either quit because of the feelings of failure, or you will be unbearable with success. I don’t mean to imply that the emotional swings are all bad, in fact, the highs are really high. The feeling of success, building loving relationships, and seeing growth in your people are all exhilarating. The lows are quite low as well; people leaving, expectations not being met, progress not being made, etc. Surviving the land
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I’m currently reading a book by Michael Lewis called “The Big Short” about the financial collapse and the few people who were smart enough to see it coming. In Chapter 2 he tells the story of an investor named Michael Burry who made billions buying subprime mortgage credit default swaps. This article is not about this book necessarily but more about a statement that Burry made in his interview with Lewis. He describes the moment when his clients found out that he was investing their money by betting against a market that was currently booming. He started getting phone calls and pressure from them urging him to stop even though he had done nothing but make them money. He was growing frustrated by the phone calls because he found himself having to defend an idea.
Inadvertently, he’d opened up a debate with his own investors, which he counted among his least favorite activities. “I hated discussing ideas with investors,” he said. “because I then became a Defender of the Idea, and that influences your thought process.” Once you become and idea’s defender you have a hard time changing your mind about it.
One takeaway from this quote could be that he knew he was right and he
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